Disaster

The word "disaster" just about sums up how I feel about the kids' first day of school. It makes me just about cry to look at other people's photos of their kids going to school on the first day. I should probably do things like that. Throw them a back to school party, buy them new clothes, feed them a special meal, ...something. But I am so overwhelmed that anything requiring extra work at this point is out of the question. They had a super fun summer and that has to be good enough. I did give the kids a couple of stickers and the girls got a little necklace and bracelet set that has proven to be a great distraction today. Kicking myself for that.

After viewing about a hundred blogs showcasing photos of their home school rooms I felt utterly depressed and inspired at the same time. OUr office is a battle zone here. Casey is constantly coming in with loads of papers and stuff and I just never know what the desk is going to look like in the morning. I am just as messy. After spending hours making all of the copies I could at kinkos, with my husband just saying we should buy a nicer printer even though we really can't afford it right now, I brought it all home and went straight to the grocery store and left the office a mess of papers. On Sunday I managed to organize one binder. That was all. (Well, maybe two, but the second one I only had to put two pages in it.)

That left things a great mess on Monday morning. I don't know if that's why we had a "less than perfect" school day, but it definitely contributed. I was so overjoyed to see Lily take up her work right where she had left off and complain very minimally. Evelyn's attention wandered so much, she wouldn't look at me when I talked to her, and she was extremely wiggly and resistent to answering any questions that I realized going back to teaching a 5 year old was going to be hard. I got really frustrated about four times and yelled at them once. I wanted to cry at that moment because I had ruined our first day of school. Why did I have to be so strict and controlling? Well, I sort of know why, but I didn't feel good in that moment when I lost it.

We had to plow through our day to get our work done, BUT I couldn't even stay on schedule because at about 10am I crashed on the couch. I was so tired and trying to push through it and then suddenly I was giving instructions in my sleep. I woke up to realize we had to skip some important things and move on.

We finished school at 2pm and went straight to Leonora's 12 mo. well check where she got shots and then straight to ballet where we spend 2 hours on Monday evening. I wish I could just drop off the girls and go but the timing of the lessons makes it impossible. Lily's class is first and 30 minutes later Ev's starts. I can't just drop off Lily only to come back 30 min later for Ev, and I have to stay during Evelyn's class because if they are under 6 a parent must escort them to the bathroom "if" they have to go. Lily's gets out and she has to wait 15 or 20 minutes until her tap class begins. Evelyn's gets out and Lily goes in. Then I can leave during her 45 min tap class, and last night I did because Leonora was screaming at the top of her lungs. I bet they are so glad to see us out of there when we go.

The kids slept in the hot car so I drove around until picking up Lily. Then it was home where I got dinner made by 7:30. WE finished with FHE by 9, I read to the kids until 9:30 and I went straight to bed.

Up again today at 5:30a. I seriously considered not getting up, but I did. IF my poor husband stayed up until 3am and could still get up and work his job all day then I was going to make myself get up!

It's afternoon on the second day and I'm wondering what the heck I'm doing. I have pictured sending Evelyn off to Kindergarten more than a few times but I just have to remember that I was inspired to do this and it'll have blessings for my family if I just do the best I can. Lily is fine. She has been broken in and does her work okay. As long as she gets a supply of snacks and breaks she does well.

The kids are eating lunch and I just realized I didn't prepare everything I needed for their science lesson so I'll go do that now and we'll have to continue school after Evelyn's violin lesson. I hate dealing with the kids sometimes. I can't stand the whining and the tattling and my one year old shrieking while I'm trying to explain a lesson. The list of things that make me angry is too long. I will probably die from high blood pressure brought on by all of this tension someday. I'm not a person one should look to for an example of how to homeschool surely.


I am so ready for fall break.